Articles in this series

4 responses to “Excerpt from Geri Lipschultz’s Anthologized Story”

  1. Dick Cummins

    Geri:

    Best dialogue. No small talk. Just right talk…!

  2. Geri

    Thanks so much, Dick! And thanks for reading.

  3. Dick Cummins

    Geri:

    First person, present tense imperative——if there is such——feels exactly right.

    Clean dialogue. When ping-pong established you drop tags altogether. Pro technique.

    Great hooking scene——lets me visualize characters and best, care about what’s happening to them without telling me, just lets me listen and figure it out.

    Just one tiny suggestion: the only ear candy bump was using “food” instead of some specific Chinese ersatz.

    “They give him and me some version of Chinese ‘food’. I don’t touch it. He eats away, ‘food’ dripping from his mouth.”

    What if the hospital food was ramen (sp) noodles? All they had to fool the ethnics?

    “He eats counterfeit noodles, a ramen dripping from his lips.”

    Not exactly dim sum – hah!

    Sorry, don’t mean to screw around with your stuff. Great as is. More excerpts please (which means we have to talk to the Cyber Goddess!)

  4. Geri

    Funny! And thanks again! You may be right about that, Dick. I was always intrigued by the way my husband and in-laws would at times refer to bean curd as “tofu,” rather than “dao-fu” and I was trying to capture an English that was a hybrid with Dottie–although if I were to be absolutely true to her inner voice, there would be significantly more Taishanese, a dialect related to Cantonese. This story, a fiction, was inspired by some of my husband’s family’s stories that I was given permission to fool with–I’ve got a bunch of them, with a ranging point of view.

Leave a Reply to Dick Cummins Click here to cancel reply.